| cof cof cof |
[Mar. 24th, 2007|10:12 am] |
good morning.
i am in salmo. drinking coffee.
heated by a wood fire. smelling fresh apple crisp. yelling to my mom and sister to STOP YELLING. because this house echos like crazy and when somebody even speaks normally the whole house wakes up (as I did, at 9 am - which isn't so bad, actually..i just missed yelling, "SHUTUUUUUUUUP!!!!!"). I slept in my old bed and jesus! I used to sleep on a mattress as firm as mark wahlbergs muscles in his latest movie. My back is killing me right now.
in six hours i'm going to a funeral that i have yet to prepare myself mentally for. this is going to be one of the hardest days of my life so far, i think. everyone is in town, i'm seeing people i haven't seen since i graduated - as i saw some last night. it was exciting, and hilarious...but then your brain doesnt know how to deal with happiness and sadness all at once. and this trip is so rushed i might have an explosion of the brain insides. |
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| runawayyyyy |
[Feb. 11th, 2007|08:09 pm] |
i just went for a run. a good one. the first since i moved to vancouver - which grosses me out considering i moved here nearly three years ago.
it felt AWESOME. but my muscles already hurt. no matter what i do i can't stretch my calves. they just...dont work or something. i'm doing something wrong.
anyway. i feel good. i haven't wrecked my lungs yet from smoking..so now is the best time to really try to quit. time to think a little bit into the future, here.
bathtime then family guy.
...effing grammy awards!
PS: does anyone know how much the aquatic centre on beach ave costs? i'm going to call around to all public pools to figure out pricing, but that one would be ideal...do they give discounts to poor people? |
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| fucking tuesday!!! |
[Jan. 9th, 2007|01:46 pm] |
i am mad because i woke up at one on my day off.
i am mad because my coffee is too hot to drink.
i am mad at stuff that gets tired.
and that kind of makes me sad.
tired is like three seconds short of giving up...like when a friendship is barely existing. and also like non-existant relationships-pretending like there's this bond when you barely know this person's name.
that's tiring.
it's also tiring when people you know are still getting angry at each other for ridiculous things, like their jeans, crushes, bobby pins, name for their dog, whatever. a person can't say, "I wanted that first!"
that's stupid. do you actually think that when you say something like this, the other person will take what you wanted back? yeah right!
anyways. the new year begun a few days late, but i feel like it's going to be a grand year. things are going to happen, i've awoken (not just at one in the afternoon, but actually...i feel like less of a zombie.)
things are going well, even if i'm grumpy, i have all of these crazy things going on in my head that are working in a positive way. if you know me, you know that this time of year i'm a fucking psycho. seasonal depression. but i think i'm using whatever makes me go nuts, and putting it into something else.
of course i have nothing to physically show for what i've been feeling.
it's not like i'm a fucking artist or something.
a girl i know once told me that i was vague.
the next time i answer one of your questions, really listen to what i say.
it's funny.
over this post i've drank two cups of coffee. i'm in better spirits, now.
okay bye. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 24th, 2006|10:19 pm] |
i'm lacking some things in my life. and i know what.
but i'm feeling particularly lonely right now.
and so,
it's not so nice.
and cheez whiz on toast would be alright right now.
on the bright side, i got a raise at TVV, and i'm going to be working in the back ( picking, steaming, etc..)
have to give up one day at the cafe. which is good, i think..i mean, i get to sleep in a bit on sundays.
love yous. |
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| kodiak blazer poncho pullovers. |
[Oct. 1st, 2006|06:59 pm] |
time is open, could be lost
look for, make it something like a solid, like an origami whale
standing on the kitchen cupboard
the lights low and the wires tangling
up to the air, stale like the stuffy house
crooked on all ends.
spread time thinly on a crumbly cracker
dropped on the floor face down
take it on a two-hour walk
by arguable measures
rusty screws and see-saws
sandy pits ,receding footsteps
swishing denim jeans, knobby knees hit.
pop fizzly crackling nails
sore thumbs and baggy eyes.
chalked up concrete
one two threefour five
skipped up drowned out
fallen glass, broken love.
knots in the crevices,
blue sky heaven, twigs in a vase.
pounding down the pillows
fixing up the bottles,
slipping through the floor
dancing down the stairs into the yards
cats flying and birds are preying
the lines go upwards beyond
out of sight.
i'm going to be late
late for it all
nothing that i'm missing
but i could be missing most.
1994 when i was nine
i was lighting old shacks on fire
and feeding horses apples
from my hand
teeth
yellow weird
lips and but oh
so pretty nice tails and brushed out
manes.
i dont know but whenever i'm ready
time really is
by general standards.
i'm not in a terribly brilliant mood today. and i think that i might not be tomorrow or the next. |
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| a verification. |
[Sep. 29th, 2006|10:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  disappointed | ] |
as a latter post to the previous one, i did NOT go to that cute boys house, i went to chris and marcus' for a potluck.
yeah, it wasn't THAT much of an amazing day.
but i mean, i'm glad andrea was home so i could get the dip recipe!
(!!!)
yayyyyyy andrea! everyone loved it.
times a million. |
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| thursday. |
[Sep. 28th, 2006|06:39 pm] |
went down to the granville island market today
and saw the most beautiful man, where i hoped he would be (!),
i purchased a coffee and i bought a round french bread,
i listened to a man playing beethoven on his guitar,
then sat with kim on her lunch break,
in the sun, by the ducks.
just made a mean spinach artichoke dip,
and soon, i'll be taking that with a bottle of wine
to the boys' house
to dine on salmon and a delicious cilantro salad
with my dip
and i hope they have a oven-safe dish. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 19th, 2006|06:44 pm] |
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i was steaming clothes in the back room today, and i discovered that the majority of old sweaters - as i steamed them - smelled of maple syrup...with dust. |
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| tuesday. |
[Sep. 12th, 2006|09:03 am] |
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i think that i need to end something and begin another thing. i think i need to do this a lot. |
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| dog sitting. |
[Jul. 30th, 2006|12:15 am] |
the thing i hate about vancouver the most:
it's suburbs.
i wrote an entry, but it was ridiculous. so i deleted it. my intelligence is at an all-time low right now. need sleep. sleep comes....now.
like we haven't heard that a thousand times.
do you think i should move? i think the time is coming.
move to another city.
maybe, none of this makes sense. but i have to pee, then take the dog for a pee. |
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| so hot! |
[Jul. 22nd, 2006|09:40 pm] |
so, the heat can make everything a lot worse.
when it's 30+ degrees out at around 9:30 PM on a friday night while you're drinking cocktails on the roof of a building...you go out dancing afterwards and then wonder how you could possibly sweat so much without:
a) falling over
b) grossing yourself out of your wet disgusting skin.
and i probably did both of those at least a little bit, but ah. it was fun.
i'm off to victoria tomorrow to visit christa.
and currently i'm spending the evening at home, still sweating profusely listening to simon and garfunkel. and this song is extremely fluffy.
but i'm enjoying it all. and i have time to sleep (for once). |
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| meat day. |
[Jul. 11th, 2006|09:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | mermaids, the movie. | ] |
our neighbour just gave us a bag of chicken legs and a tray of turkey breasts. |
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| summer summer. |
[Jul. 5th, 2006|12:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | just fab, darling. | ] |
hi there!
i'm now officially working seven days a week, which hasn't started to really bother me yet, besides the fact that i always have to work at 9 AM on weekends.
but, that hasn't stopped me yet!
news?
someone sang me a song called "heidi" last weekend, so that was pretty cool. i used to always want to hear a song about a girl named heidi, whether it was me or not...so hurray!
i've been meeting insanely good people lately, it's refreshingly sweet.
also been going to places i've never been before...like PUBS and such, jerks.
so, yeah. things are good. all i really need is to dye my hair.
PS we have a computer, now.
i love friends who lend us things.
also, i'm going to an "eighties office party" on saturday. any good costume ideas? for example: shoulder-pad busty frill blouse in coral. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 20th, 2006|10:18 pm] |
it's almost 10:30 on saturday night.
i'm at my aunt's house, using her computer for all of the alone time i can get.
i ate too much sweet stuff - and when i do that i wonder why i ate it in the first place. i feel sickly.
i have a job interview at this cafe that's opening across from buy low foods. it's going to be iffy, considering that it's sandwiched between a scary mall and an exotic show lounge whose name is a derivative of "buttocks". nonetheless, i'm excited. i hope i get it. i'm terribly broke. terribly. and i have been for some time but it's finally gotten to the point of panic. which is a good thing.
i remember having a conversation with andrea about how i was second guessing the living arrangement i was getting into. afterall, it isn't often that three ladies can live in a house together in complete harmony. obviously.
when there is a ten year age gap between yourself and another roomate, things can get a bit weird sometimes...especially when you feel like you're more mature than the other.
. i was talking to evan about this said roomate yesterday, and i felt like a jerk. she's a nice lady, but i feel myself constantly judging her in a way that isn't so nice.
it bothers me, when someone's thirty and totally unstable, and a fucking talkaholic about silly things like "MY dad says..." or "well, I'M NOT stupid, I WAS JUST saying.." or "that really shows that they appreciate ME, you know?" . and the reason why that bothers me is because i don't want that to happen to me.
it's just that..i want to tell her to shut the fuck up sometimes.
so i think that when i was second guessing the living arrangement, i was second guessing living with specifically one of the roomates. well,
we'll see! i mean, it's not like i can't fucking stand this girl, i just sometimes want to ....well, see above. or, maybe pull her hair or something.
speaking of girls, though, i've been noticing a lot of girls hitting on me in the past week or so. do i give off a gay vibe or something?
i have more girls hit on me than boys.
can we switch this around?
thanks.
and, now it's time to change some music and possibly think about leaving.
ta ta for now,
and pleasant days.
love,
. |
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| five days to moving! |
[Apr. 26th, 2006|12:50 pm] |
i have to make this quick because i am paying a buck per 20 mins for this shit.
i am moving in a few days!
kerry p - yo, i'm a flake until i move. but i wanna hang with you asap because i miss you.
actually, everyone: i'm a big flakey flake until i move.
i am a selfish hoo-ha until i can figure all of this shit out and i can pay all my bills properly.
um,
gotta run.
yum, coffee.
PS: working retail is probably the shittiest job ever. |
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| hello. |
[Apr. 3rd, 2006|10:18 pm] |
i'm at andrea's using her computer (again) listening to the magician's nephew.
even though i'm not really hearing the words to the fullest extent (i have a terrible head cold), the voices are comforting.
andrea's cleaning out the kitchen cupboard and she found those minty chocolates - the ones that look like dollops of coloured icing.
yum.
i'm terribly broke, and i don't have enough money to move. i'm going to have to ask mom to transfer money into my account from my other account. it sucks having to use the saved up money to help me out when i don't have enough employment.
i'd rather use that for something of more substance...like a history or writing course.
i've been thinking a lot about going back to school. i think i would really love to be in radio someday...doing broadcasts. talking without people seeing my face.
or maybe a history professor or something.
we might be moving to the drive. that would be nice. my cost of groceries would be cut in half, and the house we applied for is right next to uprising breads. coffee, pastries, bread, soup, and yum.
i admit i've been a flake of sorts lately, maybe coconutty...but i think that may be the best for everyone.
i'm ready for change. i'm ready for it very much so.
sometimes i'm just worried that i'm not making the right choices.
ps: something that annoys me to the extremes: people who look at themselves in the mirror the entire time that they're talking to you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 29th, 2006|07:52 pm] |
a quick update.
1. im moving. have i ever mentioned how much i HATE moving? the actual act of putting shit in the truck and taking it back out. i'm dreading having to take my sewing table down those scary stairs.
want to know the details of just why i'm moving?
it all started when sheldon screamed his face off at kim about a week or so ago about how we hate his family. it's more extensive than that...but the gist of it was : twelve of his family members showed up when he WASNT home. none of us knew anyone was coming over, so kim asked him to let us know the next time his neices, nephews, brothers, sisters, mom...etc etc etc come over. he flipped out. one of the grossest situations i've ever witnessed.
he's a total psycho. and i mean that literally.
so yesterday, he asks us to leave. we say yes. he's having some family members move in, we're homeless still looking for a place.
2. i need to find another job. i can't live off of twenty hours a week.
that was quick. want to know more? i'd love to have coffee with those of you i haven't seen for a while (kerry) |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 16th, 2006|06:46 pm] |
so, like..
i don't know what's been wrong with me lately but i think i've come down to the conclusion that i'm mildly depressed.
i could complain about stuff, but that's unnecessary.
because i know how to fix things (i think), and complaining is just another form of procrastination.
i have quit my job, which was a wonderful step.
i am working retail now - which requires no brainpower.
i feel like i'm a spectre or something.
and the only person i ever tell about how sad i kind of feel all the time is my dad.
and then he writes me this really thoughtful email and i cry while i'm lying in my bed at home. pathetic.
i'm scared, because i'm growing progressively more paranoid about things that i never used to think twice about. i'm developing habits that i detest in other people.
it's gross.
so, i think i'm a really pathetically lame person for the time being. so, like...if i ditch out and stuff, maybe call me a bitch.
i just want to feel happy again, is all. so i'll work on that, then i'll call you up one day and maybe send you a postcard that says hi.
because i appreciate you, a lot. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 26th, 2006|04:00 pm] |
my wallet was stolen on the 99 b-line yesterday.
moral: don't let your wallet show on the bus when you're carrying lots of stuff. |
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